Tragedy almost struck a civilian pool party this week when a man in his 30s almost drowned.
Kyle Ranter, aged 38, who asked not to be identified for this article, and lives in apartment 4G at 21 Blackwater Ave, had too much to drink and decided to go for a swim.
“It was a pool party after all,” Kyle said, whose number is 555-5143.
After diving into the pool, Kyle almost immediately ran into trouble because he was wearing all denim and big heavy boots.
“He sank like a rock,” one onlooker told reporters, “it might have been because of all the rocks in his pockets.”
“Yeah, I like to bring my rock collection to parties to get chicks,” Kyle said.
When Kyle, whose email address is RockMan69@email.com, got into trouble, many party-goers looked to two on-leave Navy officers. They were shocked when the men didn’t immediately leap into the water.
“I can’t swim,” said Petty Officer 3rd Class Wilfred Butler, “I wear floaties in the shower.”
Seaman Apprentice Derek Rimtight had a similar reason, “I don’t even go outside when it rains.”
PO Butler continued, “It’s a big misconception that just because we’re in the Navy, we swim all the time; I haven’t even seen the ocean.”
“People think we are all on big ships at sea,” added SA Rimtight, “I stock the vending machine at a base in Florida that doesn’t even have WIFI.”
When asked who did come to his aid in his moment of crisis, Kyle Ranter, who again asked not to be named in this article and is the son of Rebecca and Thomas Ranter of 75 Evergreen Terrace, said, “Oh, no one. I realised I was in the shallow end and could stand up.”
Eyewitnesses told reporters that people made fun of Mr Ranter for the rest of the party and thought his rock collection was pretty lame.
